BLOCATIN† provides temporary relief from acute grumpiness (AG), a serious condition linked‡ in old age to yelling at youngsters about their baggy clothes and hip-hops. Do not take BLOCATIN if you are illiterate, allergic to a good story, or are culturally prohibited from using a computer. Talk to your doctor if happiness continues for more than four days, as it may be contagious. Also talk to your doctor if you are dead, as it may hinder your ability to take BLOCATIN.

Side effects of BLOCATIN include Jim Harrington, difficulty breathing, Kirsty Logan, Ethel Rohan, stomach cramps, abdominal pains, Sherri Collins, Ryan Burden, Greg Gerke, a rush of blood to the head, Timothy Raymond, Victoria Clayton Munn, clinical addiction, and Tirumal Mundargi.

BLOCATIN works by inhibiting frown receptors (gloomions), inducing a state of continuous smiling. This is made possible by the chemicals Carol Lynn Grellas, Benjamin Rathbone, Felino Soriano, Jeff Dutko, Russell Jaffe, and Yellow #5.

We had no money to test BLOCATIN, but we did go to a gypsy to get our coffee grounds read. Unfortunately we forgot to provide a return address for the gypsy’s lab results, so we have no idea if BLOCATIN is safe. But the round shape of BLOCATIN is comforting to us, and that must mean something.

†Pill shown at actual size.
‡Based on scientific neighborhood observations.